English poet John Clare (1793 – 1864) struggled all his adult life with poor health, financial troubles and serious depression. He spent many years in private asylums. Clare was the son of a farm labourer, and his poems celebrate the beauty of the English countryside and express his sorrow at the changes brought about by industry and growing urbanisation.
His poem I Am! was written in the Northampton General Lunatic Asylum, was transcribed by one of the house stewards there, and was published in 1848. It was composed at a time of severe mental illness – Clare believed for a while that he was Lord Byron or Shakespeare. The poem explores loneliness and depression, self-awareness, and expresses an intense longing for escape and peace. The poet addresses his own existence, asking who cares or even knows his true self.
I Am! by John Clare
I am! yet what I am who cares, or knows?
My friends forsake me like a memory lost.
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish, an oblivious host,
Shadows of life, whose very soul is lost.
And yet I am—I live—though I am toss’d
Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dream,
Where there is neither sense of life, nor joys,
But the huge shipwreck of my own esteem
And all that’s dear. Even those I loved the best
Are strange—nay, they are stranger than the rest.
I long for scenes where man has never trod,
For scenes where woman never smiled or wept;
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept
Full of high thoughts, unborn. So let me lie,
The grass below; above the vaulted sky.
The poem highlights the contrast between the harsh realities of the poet’s life with his deep longing for a more natural and peaceful existence. It captures memorably human isolation and one person’s struggle with mental illness. It depicts his alienation from family and friends, and ends with the poet calling on God with a hope for a calmer spiritual afterlife.
Listen to the poem beautifully read by actor Tom Hiddleston:
Have you enjoyed this poem? I’d love to know what you think, let me know by leaving a comment.
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David Castle
Most enjoyable and very well read
Diana
these past weeks many times I have listened to the beautiful voice of Tim Huddleston reciting the poem I Am by John Clare, so gentle and poignant to much and many in life.
Susannah Fullerton
H reads it beautifully, doesn’t he.
Merry Christmas, Diana.
Ann Henderson
Beautiful poem. Thanks for all your research to enlighten the lives of so many who
receive your newsletter. Ann
Susannah Fullerton
What a nice comment – thanks, Ann. I am delighted you enjoy my newsletter.
Debra
A very sad poem from a tragic life. I am wondering why the words as recited by Hiddleston differ in several places from the printed text.
Susannah Fullerton
Yes, his life was terribly sad. Sorry, but I don’t know why the recording differed slightly from the printed version.
Penny Morris
Beautiful and beautifully read. Thank you Susannah.
Penny Morris